It’s easy to trust God, sometimes. Among the hardships and heartbreaks, sometimes I get hit with waves of trust and a feeling of belonging, and I’m sure my heart has healed. And then on other nights when I’m lonely and missing what I used to have, I get hit with another feeling. It’s the one that doesn’t know why things happen the way they do, and one that leaves my heart feeling cut up. You know the feeling, when a memory comes to mind and your stomach drops because you thought you were over it and realize that you aren’t. In times like those, I’m torn between trusting God for what he will do, and being frustrated at what he hasn’t done already.
It occurred to me that sometimes it’s easy to trust God when he gives us the closure we feel like we need, but it’s more difficult when he leaves us hanging, in a way. We long for closure. Sometimes my need for closure leads me to trying to fix everything on my own, and I forget that true closure comes from God, himself. When ends are tied up and things feel completed, that’s when we feel good about a situation. When your heart still hurts occasionally and you haven’t gotten to confront the person who hurt you, that’s when it’s more difficult.
A few weeks ago my heartbreak spiked to an all-time high, and my friend called to check on me. “This is God’s deliverance from a bad situation,” he said. I was reminded of God’s grace to remove me from a situation that I wouldn’t have walked away from on my own. And the next day, I was reading Lamentations(of all the random books to read) and found this:
the lord is good to those who wait for him,
to the person who seeks him.
it is good to wait quietly for deliverance from the lord.
I’m finding that closure is less about finding the earthly words to fix everything, and more about having peace, believing that the creator of closure will bring everything to completion in a way that I can’t predict. And that it’s okay to have bad days and not be “fixed”. There’s love and grace for that, as well. 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *