some things are easy. and even though I’m someone who likes experimenting and gets easily bored with doing the same things day in and day out, it is easy to stay in the habit of doing or feeling or processing things in the same way far too often. I reminded myself a few days ago that not everything that is familiar, is good for me. bad relationships, for example. isn’t it so easy to go back to something just because we’re used to it? I realize that sometimes we trade in the new opportunities life offers because we’d much rather stay comfortably in our usual way of doing things, than try something different. why is that? why would I rather go back to a hurtful relationship than to experiment in new friendships that could potentially be rewarding?
first off, we associate familiar things with security. it’s the same reason I feel so much freedom to be myself around people I’ve known since I was a kid. there’s no pressure to explain aspects of my life, since those friends already know most of my life story. there’s a certain safety we feel with old friends, with the memories and experiences we’ve shared with them. those things are good things. but then on the other end, we see old relationships and associate that same safety with them, even when they’re harmful and unhealthy.
scenario one: I miss an old friend who for some reason doesn’t want to be a part of my life anymore. even though I recognize the hurt and pain they’re brought me by this emotional abandonment, there’s a part of me that still misses that friendship on a hard night when I want someone to talk to. so I text that person when I really shouldn’t.
am I the only one who’s gotten screwed over by someone for no good reason? answer: no. if there’s one thing blogging about pain has taught me, it’s that there are countless stories not being voiced, by people I assumed were completely fine. pain bonds humans, sometimes.
I know I’ve talked a lot about hardships recently, and I don’t want it to seem as though my life is one big heartbreak, or that I just want to complain, or even that I only think God is present in pain. but I do know that I find myself returning to hurtful things for no good reason other than they’re familiar to me.
so, security. it’s nice to feel safe and taken care of. so naturally, in times of difficulty, it’s easy to return to the people and things that are familiar, and that we associate with security. so often, I do this and forget that those things aren’t part of my life anymore for good reason.
it’s easy to be defined by pain. we all know people who complain non-stop about what other people have done to them, and justify their negative attitude, saying it really isn’t their fault at all. I don’t want to be one of those people, and I doubt you do either.
we’re defined by Jesus’ love for us, not someone else’s hate. although sometimes I feel we put so much identity in our pain and hurt that if those things were taken away, we wouldn’t know what to do. a life lived in fear and blame-shifting isn’t a life to be proud of.
Jesus is so gracious. I look back and see the past five months as some of the most difficult, but also the most rewarding. see, that overused phrase ‘when God closes a door, he opens a window’, is kind of true. my window came in the form of new friendships to replace toxic ones, new views on life in general, and new empathy for people struggling with things I can relate to, and even for things I haven’t experienced.
it’s so easy to go back to old things when we should just go forward instead. I struggle thinking that the things coming couldn’t be as good as the things I already had. but I see something in that. God’s surprised me before, why wouldn’t he do it again? the harshest judgments I’ve made about people have turned into stories later when they became my best friends. the things I’ve been most skeptical about have been the times that have turned out to be the most rewarding.
we have no way of knowing what’s next, we only know what we’ve already experienced. it’s an act of humility to let go, isn’t it? it’s to trust and be diligent to give up the harmful things, knowing God has better things coming. and when it takes longer to heal that I’d like, I have to be willing to trust then, too.